Published
by beexfeatheryduster
Summary: Prominant Harry Potter characters release their own books; an idea inspired by my friend when he suggested that Tonks should have wrote a book


**Titles by Nymphadora Tonks**

How to ride a broom if your clumsy as hell

Don't you just hate trolls legs?

Be the rainbow

Anyone can be an Auror! I mean I managed it

Stroke that wolfs fur!

I have a crazy bitch for an aunt too

How to crush on your Potions Master (and not get caught)

Who needs glamour's?

Too old, too poor, too dangerous: He's talking rubbish

* * *

**Titles by Lucius Malfoy**

Why mud bloods are filth

How to insult in eighteen languages

Why blonde is best

How to be a stuck up snob

How to slither your way out of trouble

Why you should never go to the Department of Mysteries

Yes I do use Loreal

Pureblood is best

I am not a woman despite the cane and hair

Lucious Malfoy my years as a male order stripper

Why my son is a complete disappointment

* * *

**Titles by Hermione Granger**

Here's one book I haven't read

Why being a muggleborn witch is a pain in ass

The exact art of ferret punching

How to irritate your potions professor

Why Ginger's were cool in high school

Don't stop asking questions

How to become a Quiddtch Star's squeeze

Guide to pleasing Viktor Krum

The Amazing Bouncing Ferret and other jokes

Your assertion is wrong and I'm going to prove it to you now

I like it bushy and that's how it's going to stay

* * *

**Titles by Harry Potter**

Who needs concealment charms?

Why being me is awesome

How not to get the girl you want

How to piss of a meglomaniac

Reasons why you should hate Severus Snape

Now that he's dead; reasons you should like Severus Snape

You want this cloak don't you?

How to be a Gryffindor misfit – co written by Sirius Black

Why I can't perform the Cruciatus Curse

How to get a house elf to love you

How to cheat from your best friend without her knowing

Why can Sibyl Trelawny only make a real prophecy once every ten years?

Reasons why you should hate anyone wearing pink and who looks like a toad

How to get a ghost to fall in love with you

I'll never share your toilet Myrtle!

Expecto Patronum!

Leader of Dumbledore's Army

How to kill Voldemort

* * *

**Titles by Ronald Weasley**

Why Ginger's still cool

Wooing your bookworm over four years

Weasley is our King: Keepers tips

Bloody hell

Why you don't trust Fred and George

He's Barmy

Ways to piss off the girl you love

How to be a prat

Reasons you shouldn't date Lavender Brown and Reasons why you should date Lavender Brown

Jealousy: Accounts of the Triwizard Tournament

How to put your foot in it spectacularly

Why you should never wear lockets

* * *

**Titles by Seevrus Snape**

How to love a ghost for your entire life

Bushy haired bookworms are a pain

The art of raising the eyebrow

How to bewitch the mind

How to ensnare the senses

How to bottle fame

How to brew Glory

How to put a stopper in Death

Why Slytherin's rule and Gryffindor's just don't

How to dress like an overgrown bat every day of the year

Fear: How to exude a powerful presence

Double agent

The Spy Game

Train your mind: the skills of Occlumancy

The Precise Art of Potion Making

Damn You Old Fool!

Gryffindor Baiting

Lily: The autobiography

The Dark Mark: Our mistakes

The Half Blood Prince

Unbreakable vows: Why they damn you

Death Waits for me

My Heart Will Go On

I Will Always Love You

* * *

**Titles by Remus Lupin**

The Moon sucks

The in-depth history of the werewolf

Howl: The painful transformation of the wolf

Ridikulous: How to teach Defence Against The Dark Arts properly

Too old, too poor, too dangerous: I wish she had listened

Outcast of Society

Wolfsbane saved my life

Moony: The Autobiography

* * *

**Titles by Sirius Black**

Why the Blacks are bad

My cousin's a psycho

Moterbikes

How to do epic pawnage on Dementors

The tail I could live with but the fleas are murder: Animagus transformation

Snivillius: Why you should hate Slytherin's

Nemesis Snivillius Snape

Reasons why Peter Pettigrew should die

Reasons not to trust Snivillius Snape

Why you should never get a skull tattoo

Firewhiskey my old friend

How to ambush Snivillius Snape

Protego!: Why shield charms are necessary around Snivillius Snape

Snivilius Snape: The expressedly forbidden and completely unauthorized biography

Notorious mass shagger Sirius Black

Running with the wolf: Mauraders years

* * *

**Titles by Albus Dumbledore**

The man behind the fiend: Gellert Grindlewald

You all believe me now: The story of Tom Riddle's rise to evil

Sherbet Lemon

Lemon Drop

Muggle sweets

How to be cryptic

Never lose the twinkle

Gay: The autobiography

Dance: The Yule Ball

Host: Account of the Triwizard Tournament

Pensieve; the greatest invention ever?

Tom: Ways to annoy Lord Voldemort

My Dear Boy: How to enlist service

History of the Order of the Phoenix

Love: The Greatest Power

* * *

**Titles by Bellatrix Lestrange**

You dare speak his name

My Lord: A life of servitude

Why the Dark Lord is brilliant

Reasons to join the Death Eaters

Crucio!: An autobiography

Mudbloods, half-breeds and blood traitors oh my!

How to torture Auror's into insanity

The secret sex life of Lord Voldemort: An eyewitness account

Rodulphus Lestrange: Why you never marry a pussy

How to cheat on your husband and get away with it

Kneel before The Dark Lord

Reasons to love The Dark Lord

Death Eaters on parade

My Grave is Azkaban

* * *

**Titles by Lord Voldemort**

Avaka Kedavra!

Dark Arts: The Ultimate Tome

Never visit Albania

Royalty

I am pureblood

Love Snakes

Salazar Slytherin's heir

Salazar Slytherin's noble work

Join the Death Eaters

I once was handsome

Why Harry Potter Must Die

Kill Harry Potter

As the light leaves your eyes

Power

Immortality: The Autobiography

* * *

**Titles by Draco Malfoy**

How to dress like my Father

Why my Father is great

How to speak like my Father

How to have your hair like my Father's

The struggle: Oedipus complex

Ways to fail assassinating Albus Dumbledore

Pureblood Royalty

Why you should never date Pansy Parkinson

For love of a Greengrass

My aunt's crazy too

Inquisitorial Squad: I bet on the wrong horse there

Respecting Granger

Second best to a mudblood: The trails of academic achievement

Looks are everything

* * *

**On A Serious Note**

Caged: Imprisonment in my own home by **Draco Malfoy**

How to survive war by **Draco Malfoy**

Fiendfyre: A Memorial to all my friends by **Draco Malfoy**

Those scars will never fade; war memoirs by **Harry Potter**

The Bravest Man I ever knew: A memorial to Severus Snape by **Harry Potter**

Surviving Bellatrix Lestrange by **Hermione Granger**

Muggleborns stand: A memorial to the muggleborn's by **Hermione Granger**

You Did Good: A memorial to Colin Creevy by **Harry Potter**

Keep on Laughing: A memorial to Fred Weasley by **George Weasley and Ginny Weasley**

I Wish: A memorial to Nymphadora Lupin and Remus Lupin by **Andormeda Tonks and Teddy Lupin**

Rest In Peace: To Those who fell by **the survivors of Voldemort's Wizarding Wars **


End file.
